Profile Gallery Scraps Journal Polls Faves Stars

Report

rkxxspence Status: Member Location: Ontario Country: Canada Gender: Male Age: 16 Type of artist: Traditional. Anthropomorphic, Animal Registered: Jul 15, 2007 Last online: 18h ago

website Aim: rkxspence Yahoo: fagulust Msn: xx-sidekick.er

Artworks: 75 Scraps: 0 Favourites Given: 107 Favourites Received: 21 Stars Given: 10 Stars Received: 4 Comments Received: 374 Comments Given: 480 Postcount: 480 Pageviews: 218

Written by rkxxspence
At Aug 24, 2008, 9:47:08 PM



To you, what do these two composures of writing mean to you. How do you feel. What do you see. Does it affect you somehow, what do you think of these..
These mean a lot to me, actually everything by this guy means the world to me, and well.. I just wonder, what do other people think of them. They might not know this guy's work.. and what would they think of it, before hearing the names?

Just a little something I wonder.. anyone?

1]
If we run far away do you think we will ever die?
We'll throw these books in the fire
Can you stop the train
Cause it some delay?
The change machine lied
And it's too late to scream

How long is the night?
It's never over
The ribbon was tied
But the card was never read
The ribbon was crimson
The color of the night

Can you see the handwriting on the walls
And on the autumn leaves that fall
"What are we gonna do?"
The trees are giving up on us
The needle and the thread
Won't stitch us to the branch
And the night never ends

I will never sleep again
(I will never even close my eyes)

If the sun is on its way
Then we will never die
And we'll follow these tracks to the sight
Now the lungs collapse
And the air is getting thin
All breath expired
Is too late to heal?

How long is the night?

It's all I ever see anymore
But the day was so bright in the pictures
In the photo album that you gave me
It's all I have to live for

I'm falling down
And you're not here to break my fall
I shut my eyes when you're around
I hold my breath to kill the sound of your voice
I'm falling down.
And you're not here to break my fall

-----------------

2]
Standing on the edge of the Palisades' Cliffs
In the shadow of the skyline very far away
Like a lightning rod that couldn’t pull the storm from me
I was 5 years old, my best friend's older brother died
He fell from these cliffs
The river washed him away, the current pulled him downstream
And our lives float in the headlines, so we park these cars
Parent’s garage
Listen to the lullaby
Of carbon monoxide

War all of the time
In the shadow of the New York skyline
We grew up too fast, falling apart
Like the ashes of American flags
If the sun doesn't rise
We'll replace it with an H-bomb explosion
A painted jail cell of light in the sky
Like three-mile-island nightmares on TVs that sing us to sleep
They burn on and on like an oil field
Or a memory of what it felt like
To burn on and on and not just fade away
All those nights in the basement, the kids are still screaming
On and on and on and on

War all of the time
In the shadow of the New York skyline
We grew up too fast, falling apart
Like the ashes of American flags
And we’re blowing in the wind
We don’t know where to land
So we kiss like little kids
We used to be very tall buildings
We’ve been falling for so long
Now your eyes are a sign on the edge of town
They offer a welcome when you are leaving

War all of the time
In the shadow of the New York skyline
We grew up too fast, falling apart
Like the ashes of American flags
The pieces fall it’s like a last day parade
And the fires in our streets start to rage,
So wave to those people who long to wave back
from the fabric of a flag that sang "love all of the time"

War all the time, war all the time
All of the time
War all the time, war all the time
All of the time
All of the time
War all of the time
War all of the time
War all of the time
War all of the time

Written by rkxxspence
At Jul 28, 2008, 4:36:07 PM




Sorry about the previous journal, things are a bit better now.

Well I'm off for a few weeks..:)
Going out to the Soo (Sault Ste Marie) for a funeral and then condolence stuff. Not too bad though, I get to see family :)
Go on buses (ohyay.) and just take pictures, draw and have time away from the internets. Haha.

I shall be back around August 11, after Furaffinity is back up too :)
So any FA users, tell me how excited you are when it's back up XD

As normal, thank you to watchers and commenters <3
I really, really appreciate it.

Written by rkxxspence
At Jul 25, 2008, 1:52:54 AM




I'm done trusting people.
I'm sorry..but I'm fed up. And disgusted.
Everyone who I've cared about, or let 'in' so to speak, have hurt me. Used me. Or just don't care. When something good happens, they throw me across a lake and hope I drown. I'm fucking tired of it.

So fucking tired....
I hate humanity. As a race/species/whatever, we're fucked up.

Written by rkxxspence
At Jul 23, 2008, 8:01:14 PM



My friend Jessica brought to my attention these neato lil things.

ZENN Cars are electric cars made by a Canadian car company. It runs solely on electric power and you charge it like you would a cell phone.
Zenn literally stands for Zero Emission No Noise.

Barry Taylor (DJ for 102.1 the edge) is trying to get Ontario's Minister of Transportation, James Bradley to explain why they're illegal in Ontario and hasn't gotten an answer yet.

Through Barry's Blog on the Edge website, I've sent an email to James Bradley, and BT is encouraging it. Like he said on the radio today, there's strength in numbers.

There's a video on Youtube of Rick Mercer's segment on Zenn cars, [link]

If you're interested in sending an inquiry about Zenn cars to James Bradley like I did, you can either check out Barry Taylor's Blog ([link]) or copy out what has been cut/pasted from BT's blog already.

"If you want the Transportation Minister to provide a reason, on the air, please email him at jbradley.mpp@liberal.ola.org.
You can CC premiere McGunity too dmcguinty.mpp.co@liberal.ola.org."

"Here’s his address for the email: comments@ontariopc.net If you're not interested in writing an actual email that's cool, just copy and paste the below sentences,

Mr. Bradley,

I am a resident of Ontario and a listener of 102.1 the Edge in Toronto. I would like you to please accept the invitation sent by Barry Taylor to explain, on the air, the reasons for keeping alternative methods of transportation, like the ZENN vehicle, off of Ontario roads."

You don't even need to be an Ontario citizen, you could be someone out-of-country anonymously asking why Ontario is not allowed to have these cars on the roads; they're clearly a better approach to helping save our environment, so why is Ontario restricted?

Written by rkxxspence
At Jul 23, 2008, 4:42:35 AM



. . .

I hate myself.
My moods never stop turning. I just want to be confident and happy again =_=
Don't let me fall in love, ever again :c
Or let people use me for what I'm worth.
Or anything.
I need to be smacked around to gain some knowledge: don't let your guard down even if you love him.
-scowl-

So I've been keeping a straight posture for like..2 minutes, and yeah, it hurts. But I feel kinda good. I've been stretching again, and just spending time with myself to try and find myself again. So far, no luck. But..I'm flexible again. :)
Which is nice.. And Phillus, this song is amazing o:

I don't know what I was going to say..
I want friends. I really do.. but is it bad if I'm terrified to search or ask?

I don't want to be used for all I am anymore.. I just want one person out there at least, only one. That's all I ask, heck, pray for..Just one person to let me be myself. Let me cry. Let me scream. Let me laugh. And not expect me to be anything more than what I am..And that's not a lot I'm sorry to tell you.

I'm getting nowhere with RKpromo as of yet.. I really should try harder but I'm just.. I feel so used by him. Like. I put so much effort into trying to re-patch things, and he ignores me again..to make me move on. He came back to me, and said we needed to try again. And I said no. He begged me until I said yes, why the hell did I say yes..

I've seen this side before, and immediately that night when he didn't answer me when I told him all he had to say was "leave" and I'd do it.. I just. Cried. I haven't cried for so long. But the night before Warped Tour, I bawled my eyes out. And I couldn't stop. I feel abandoned by the last person I felt loved me. Because of my idiotic actions, I've lost a lot of friends and family. And like.. He came back to me, when I had rebuilt myself and loved myself and was full of confidence and life. And then he tore me back down. I became a bitch. A slave. And I didn't care, all I did was tell myself "Ignore the bad. He loves you again!"
And now, I don't..know. I just really don't. He abandoned me again. And either for that girl or Jon. And.. I don't know what would hurt more, the girl who knew of me and knew that he was dating me, and didn't hold back, or Jon. The ex. The best friend. The beneficial friend.

Oh well.
That's the past.
And this is the only place I have publicly posted this, let alone even spoke/typed of it to anyone. And it's for anyone who cares on Storm. Because..this is the only place that feels safe.

I need to really start over but I'm too scared to do it alone. It's all I've been doing, I've never had a friend that I want now. I have a girl named Erin whom I trust, but I will never cry to. I can't cry to Adam. I can't cry to Sam. I won't cry to anyone anymore..and I just wish I felt safe enough to cry in someone's arms only once, for my own sake. If you look on devianTart, there's a beautiful couple that I am inspired by so much. Redrumwolf and The-Kitsune; Cassandra and Brian. They are the most beautiful couple. They are so devoted to each other, so dedicated and in love, it's beautiful. I cry every time I think about all that they have together. They inspire me to believe that one day I can turn out like that, and be happy. But I'm too scared to even let myself try. DarknEvilKitty and VAMPISAURUS on dA. Best of friends. Probably more; divine love. I cried just as hard. Personally, I know Hayden a bit. And he always talks about Vampi. I don't know her. But they are so close and love each other; they're the other's half. They really can't exist without each other. And it's just something that makes me so happy, because Hayden truly deserves such a wonderful friend. It makes me sad at the same time, because I wonder if I could ever have a friend like that. I mean.. I wonder if Liz is my best friend. She was my best friend growing up.. And then we grew apart in HighSchool.. And I always ask myself "Is she still into writing? Does she still like me? What would she think if I came out to her? Would she hate me? Would I lose such a good friend?" And.. I don't want to think of that.

I just wish I could have my childhood back.. I'd fix myself, and everything I've done. I'm old and I'm not even an adult yet. I don't understand why I had to be forced to grow up so early. I was only eight. That's another story I guess. One day I'll confess everything in my own way, and nobody will understand.

I really need to shut the hell up now. I'm sorry for such an annoying ramble..I just needed to get it out I guess.
I'm sorry

Written by rkxxspence
At Jul 22, 2008, 12:02:04 AM




I'm really proud of my song I wrote, Flatline.
It's just another expression, but I feel so much more light now, my heart is at ease a bit more.

I might post it on dA or Sheezy, I dunno yet.. dA I'd prefer to avoid him.. Although.. He never checks it anymore, considering I was the reason to go on. :o
Hmm. Decisionsdecisions.
I think for now Storm gets my better work

I went to VANS Warped Tour '08 on Saturday, and got a huuge sunburn on my face and ears-- even my eyelids ;;. It was well worth it though. (Reason I don't go outside is because I'm somewhat afraid of getting a sunburn, and I.. I dunno. Something against the sun) It was for my friend's birthday that Adam and I went, and we all had a blast. I got beat up in the mosh pit for Cobra Starship (lol) and that was still totally worth it, everyone got hurt; I ended up getting thrown onto my rump and had some other guy land in my lap. He just sat there and watched me before jumping up and apologizing. I smiled (Why would I complain about that haha!) I also ended up having Adam block a small square for me to jump down under everyone to get some girl's phone, and mine. I was pleased I could help
Ohyeah. We got a picture of the manager's ass haha! It was very nice C:

Afterwards we wandered a lot. And got water. Potty breaks. And sat in the comforting shade of a truck. Played ten fingers. Then we got back up to watch smaller shows and wander. We wandered and got a lot of free stuff (including bandannas lol, they saved me from the heat and cold afterwards).

I had this uber hott guy ask me if he could give me a lil Skelanimals Tattoo on my forearm. I was going to say no until I saw him; you can't say no to such a gorgeous face. I reallllly wish I'd gotten a picture with him; I saw him everywhere ;-;

I held a good conversation with a guy who was speaking for the environmental rights of forests, about clear-cutting and explained about Coal mining; I really never thought about coal mining as a bad thing until he explained it to me. I was happy to talk to him, I signed a petition that he didn't really care about, he just wanted someone to listen haha. Sean/Shawn. I wish I got a picture with him too ._. he was cute c:
I got a few free pins from him and stuff too Also got to tell him about RKPromo, he was so nice xD

We also signed some petitions and email lists on how to help out with/for Amnesty International, and human rights, animal rights too of course, PETA2. Helping to save the cute piggies Cx

Uhm. And oh, by signing to help out, I got a free coupon for a free vegetarian sandwich at KFC. How ironic, the place I hate, with mutant foods, making Vegetarian sandwiches. o_o
And No, haha, I'm not calling it mutant foods because of the fact it's meat. I call them that because KFC can't legally be called Kentucky-Fried Chicken. Their chickens are mutated in order to be more plentiful and less wasteful as food. (Such as two breasts, five feet, two heads, etcetera etcetera, muuuutant).
It's cruel.

And. Uhm. OHYEAH. Best part ever. Parts*
One, we were going to see FTSK (Forever The Sickest Kids) at the Ernie Ball stage around 5:30.
While doing so, we sat down by the stage early and waited for..The Audition (they'regooooood) to get off for Charlotte Sometimes, and then we'd wait for FTSK. As we sat there, we had a girl randomly come up to us and comment how the Port-a-potty looked really lonely on it's own. I laughed and was like "Aww it is lonely! The sad little thing.." And she asked me if it was safe. I replied to her saying I didn't know, that it was probably meant for bands who got off of Ernie Ball Stage. She laughed and wandered into it. Few minutes later she was jogging out.

We didn't take much mind to it, and talked more. We looked over, and suddenly realized Kyle Burns was giving out some quick signings and hugs and pictures before the show. Kyle Burns is this guy, [link]
We wandered over there to get some stuff signed, considering the line was teenie. I got my FTSK CD signed by him Adam and Erin got their Tix signed, which I didn't think of, and then Erin and I got a group-hug picture with him xD He was extremely nice too <:
I wish I wasn't so shy though ._. He was probably wondering why I was so quiet heh.

After wards we were really happy about that, and we went over to buy more water. After The Audition got down, we wandered back to the stage to wait for Charlotte Sometimes to finish. Guess who was up on that stage? The girl who was talking to us! We had no idea she was Jessica Poland, all we knew was she was pretty, nice, and really friendly (funny too). She spotted us in the crowd and waved, which was cool c:

During/around the ending of her performance, it started to rain. And everyone gathered to the stage for FTSK. It rained harder, and all Kyle could do was sit with his drumset looking really guilty (as if the rain was his fault xD) Everyone kept cheering for FTSK to come out, but all they could do was sit and shake their heads, hoping the rain quit out.
After fifteen minutes, they started covering the amps and equipment; people thought they were packing up. But. They weren't
They toughed it out with us, raised the stage level to make the rain stop traveling onto their heads () and. Ugh. This was the most unique show I'd ever been to. I was stoked. Nearly all of the audiance knew every.single.word. to every.single.song. They were shocked, and I was shocked
Afterwards, they said they were really happy that so many fans had toughed it out through the rain. And it was so true. Nobody in the crowd left because of the rain, they wanted to see FTSK.
I don't think they could do the signing they said they wanted to do afterwards, because of the rain. It was flooding. :s
But.wegotoursearlyhaha!

Yeah..then we sheltered behind a truck and eventually swam out for food and shelter, then to meet Erin's dad.

It was an amazing Saturday. I woke up the next morning to find bruises everywhere--oh yeah! And a stamp on my abdomen..
I wasn't sure how I got it, until I recalled; during the wandering of signing petitions and email-lists and conversing with people, we'd also had a man and a woman ask us if we could have their logo stamped onto us, and our picture taken for their website. Adam and I agreed, and he got a few stamps on the face, while the guy stamped my abdomen. I was a little shocked..lol.
Ahh.

Yeah. This summer got so much better. C:
Kudos to a new, free, happy, confident year come September.

Written by rkxxspence
At Jul 7, 2008, 6:33:19 PM




If I can fall out of a tree, hit every branch and land in a rock bed/swamp, I'm sure I'll survive some spoiled food. xD

So I'm eagerly trying to improve. I did this in such a haste that I've actually forgotten why I draw. It's a form of expression, I know. But my motivation for said expressing has been shot down again. I was most content with getting my motivation from my group of friends, considering they were always a bundle of joy or happiness, and they very rarely stayed angry at each other for long..pretty much love.

But now.. after some incidents, some yelling, threats and fistfights.. We're biased and immature.
I've tried to stay out of it, but.. being a bit more known by others at school, everyone wants me to be on their "side". When really..it's a pathetic argument. There's no need for an individual to hate another because their partner does. Nor is their reason to threaten a girl for wanting to enjoy a fireworks show with her friends, who just so happen to be your friends as well.

I got into a physical fight with two other men because they wanted to beat up my friend, who was a girl. I never have, and never will tolerate abuse to a woman. Depending on the circumstances, I wouldn't allow it to men either. But for my ex and a 'friend' to threaten and advance towards a girl, a girl I know, that they know, and everyone else knows: that's wrong. I seriously disrespect people who will lash out and harm another. I, personally believe there are more ways to solve a debate without the use of fists or contact.

Back to track, my motivational source is a bit blemished.
I used to get inspired from music, and.. currently, I've been a bit bored with my music. I'm trying to find more artists to get my creativity wheel out of the dust. So far, I realize I need to get back to the main roots of music in which inspired me; Muse, Patrick Wolf, Depeche Mode, Mozart. ..the likes.

I came across a musician on the news last night. I forget his name, I think it was something like Patrick Wavery. Only.. the last name is off obviously. If anyone would like to share music, go for it :3

I think the point of this journal was a bit of a "Hello I'm back, but not to draw much". I want to improve my anatomy and expand my source of talent. It's there..It just needs to be rendered.

Any advice would be nice, redlines too.
Requests, I'll take, as I need to improve. I can actually draw little cartoon humans now, which is cute.

So. If you comment on this journal, please give me a request !

Written by rkxxspence
At Jun 13, 2008, 10:49:02 PM



Normally I wouldn't do this. I'd wait it out or forget...
But right now I'm in a pretty lame mood..and not so well in stability I suppose..

but onto what is of importance more than anything to me,

I really miss two friends. I don't know them personally, they're only online. But I mean, I don't restrict a friend to be in person only.
And like. These two people came to me randomly out of nowhere to talk and just have fun. Which was amazing.
I trust the one enough to talk to him about a lot. And it turned out we were identical--same lifestyle, same childhood, same future plan. It was insane. I actually attached to him too.

And now, I haven't spoken to either of them since..maybe January? A little before?
Last time Dustin and I spoke, he was depressed...

But. I'm putting this up on all of my art accounts and contact tables in hopes I can find these two people again, I really, really miss them..

If anyone knows a "Lucah Wulf", or "Dustin_Disaster"
Please tell me .-.
I really want to know if everything's alright for them and such, I miss them terribly.

x

Written by rkxxspence
At May 28, 2008, 12:41:58 AM





online..it kinda urks me ._.
It should, I hope.
It -is- sane to be a little stunned by like..somuchattention yesyes?

'Famous' at school for the wrong attention but I mean. Online.
People from everywhere know me xD;
And I don't even know them! They just know my work..or my rants (yay xD) and comments.
The attention..
And it's good for my company, but not so great for me as an individual.
Loads of work. Never thought it'd be this much.

I'm deffinately not trying to be like.. arrogant or some attention-whore, I just want to make an impact.

I understand it seems otherwise at times. And all honesty, I am -not- trying for anything other than..well. Trying to make an impact.
I want people to read my bitchfit rants, or my shpeels on what society has corrupted us into believing. I want individuality to still exist in five years.

And well. The internet is the biggest way possible for me to try to do this. I don't have a strong voice, let alone enough wit to sweet-talk someone into leaning closer to listen to what I have to say.
Online I actually have an equal sense of power that all of us have.  And greatfully, some people read it and create their own opinion on it, rather than taking what the media gives us.

But. I want to thank you guys,
even though Storm is actually one of the smaller communities, I am MORE than proud to say I'm in it.

there's true people here, not the lazy, arrogant attention-seeking people. You guys are actually very down-to-Earth. And so sweet. I really appreciate all the advice and support I've gotten from you all.

If I could, I'd repay you all for such acceptance.
But until I find out how, I'm more than happy flowering a journal with thank-you's and love.
At some point, I'll make something worth while.

Whether it's a huge poster to mail out to you guys, hours worth of effort into one detail, or writing. I'll find a way. And it will be worth it.